![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Apr. 19th, 2019 11:22 pmListen, a lot of people say, "Oh, forgive and forget - they're family!" or "They are family, nothing should come between you!" or many similar things of that nature. You'll regret it, life is too short, blah blah blah.
Well.
I have an older brother (6 years) and an older sister (3 years). I'm "the baby."
I'm also the rational one. THe sane one. The one to be relied on, turned to. And that's with me being bipolar type 2, with anxiety disorder, etc. But? I'm the sane one.
When I hear things like "nothing is too great" or about how blood is the most important thing, I laugh. I LAUGH LIKE A FUCKING HYENA.
I'm the one who graduated high school, despite we all having like genius IQs. I'm the one who, albeit divorced, had a 17 year marriage and a 19 year marriage (the current one). I have two well-adjusted children who have successful relationships. I am the only one who has a loving relationship with my stepmother and my two stepsisters. I am the only one who saw my father through the final three months of his life. And that is with a major fucking mental illness that took me three years to get control of.
How much detail to go into?
Well, frankly, I'll stop for now. But know that when I say I am estranged from my siblings, it is for good reason. It's a line I drew to protect myself and my family from massive indifference and ridiculous double standards. It's because I chose love and respect that went both ways (stepfamily) over snotty, brutally cold relationships with my siblings.
I have moments to this dy where (of course) I grieve these lost family members. Where I wish things could be different. But then I think, this is THEIR loss. They don't know the intelligent, loving, funny AF people that are my son and daughter. The woman I have become. ANd I wish they did, I wish they could, but that's the path they chose, and I then chose the path I needed to to protect us, spare us the pain of unreciprocated emotions, and we are better off for it.
This is not something I speak about often, but it is always a weight in my heart. Tonight something triggered this response, and you know - this is what LJ can offer that so many other platforms cannot. I place to vent, to spill feelings we hold so closely and tightly to ourselves, and become freer for it.
Thanks.
Well.
I have an older brother (6 years) and an older sister (3 years). I'm "the baby."
I'm also the rational one. THe sane one. The one to be relied on, turned to. And that's with me being bipolar type 2, with anxiety disorder, etc. But? I'm the sane one.
When I hear things like "nothing is too great" or about how blood is the most important thing, I laugh. I LAUGH LIKE A FUCKING HYENA.
I'm the one who graduated high school, despite we all having like genius IQs. I'm the one who, albeit divorced, had a 17 year marriage and a 19 year marriage (the current one). I have two well-adjusted children who have successful relationships. I am the only one who has a loving relationship with my stepmother and my two stepsisters. I am the only one who saw my father through the final three months of his life. And that is with a major fucking mental illness that took me three years to get control of.
How much detail to go into?
Well, frankly, I'll stop for now. But know that when I say I am estranged from my siblings, it is for good reason. It's a line I drew to protect myself and my family from massive indifference and ridiculous double standards. It's because I chose love and respect that went both ways (stepfamily) over snotty, brutally cold relationships with my siblings.
I have moments to this dy where (of course) I grieve these lost family members. Where I wish things could be different. But then I think, this is THEIR loss. They don't know the intelligent, loving, funny AF people that are my son and daughter. The woman I have become. ANd I wish they did, I wish they could, but that's the path they chose, and I then chose the path I needed to to protect us, spare us the pain of unreciprocated emotions, and we are better off for it.
This is not something I speak about often, but it is always a weight in my heart. Tonight something triggered this response, and you know - this is what LJ can offer that so many other platforms cannot. I place to vent, to spill feelings we hold so closely and tightly to ourselves, and become freer for it.
Thanks.
